five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
