Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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