Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
