I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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