Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
