I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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