How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
