Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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