The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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