i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
