When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
