Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
