Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
