I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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