I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
