Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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