I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
