sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
When are your genitals available?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
