Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
