the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize