someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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