Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
