porn star boner night. come get it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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