Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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