hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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