I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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