You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
