i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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