I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
