I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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