I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize