Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize