i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
