Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
