Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't deserve a penis
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
