His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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