Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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