oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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