Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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