I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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