why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize