I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
