the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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