my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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