According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
