y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
