If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
