This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
