Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
