I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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