are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize