Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
