he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
