he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
