the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
