The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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