Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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