I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize