Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
