she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize