All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
