just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
