in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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