Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
